RELATIONSHIPS: 7 WAYS TO KNOW YOU ARE IN THE PRESENCE OF A DECEIVER

"Love creates the highest expectations on earth" ~ Dr. Mike Murdock

Lest we forget, there is nothing we can accomplish in the face of the earth without getting all the help we can get. We might need gadgets, we might need time, we might need space, but most importantly we can never do without people, both good and bad. Sometimes, an 'interaction' with an enemy can prove to be more fruitful than with a friend...but I digress.

You have probably heard the saying that "the greatest resource in an organization is people". Well according to Jim Collins, the author of 'Good To great', that statement is wrong!

The greatest resource in any organization is the right people! Relationships are one of the most critical ingredients to anyone's Life Signatures. Unfortunately, I have realized that for the most part, the right people are not readily available.

I am told that one of the richest men in the world, Warren Buffet, takes averagely two years to find an honest leader, yet he has head hunters! But even then, I have had people referred to me by my 'trusted sources' who later on greatly disappointed me. I have ended up in Police cells due to this fact alone. I wholly trusted some people recommended to me without checking. Well, in the spirit of Life Signatures, I could not say that I wasted time, emotions and money...but I learnt greatly!

Sometimes we get hurt by others...before we can realize that they were the wrong people. Sometimes we even get hurt by the right people! Not everybody is perfect. Such is the kind of world we live in.

I have been thinking of late about how we can sift through multitudes of pretenders. There is nothing hurtful like wasting part of your life in the wrong relationship. That being said, it is worth sniffing a pretender from far and save yourself some time and money and emotions. 

Here is how you can know you are in the presence of a deceiver.

1. They do not answer your question as asked: A deceiver always hides the truth. One of the way you will know that someone might be a deceiver is how doggedly they answer your direct question or questions. In fact, the more questions they dodge to answer, the greater the potential of being a deceiver. Check it out in your life and you will find out that this is true. There is nothing like half truths. A lie is black.
2. They hide information: Especially uncomfortable information. A woman falls in love with you and it is mutual. Yet she hides her age. Six months down the line, you discover that her age was never your preference, yet you have gone so deep in the relationship. OK, that is just an example. My point is that before you pursue a relationship further, first you need to know the information you want. Get that information before you proceed. Deceivers hide information. That tells you that if you are deceived, you never had your own information...or you never put out your 'preferences' before proceeding.
3. They rumble on: Well, we have different personality types. So I am not saying that all talkative people are deceivers. However, I have noted that a deceiver's focus is never on yourself. A deceiver's focus is always on themselves. The little word 'I' can appear in their conversation gazillion times before you chip in to speak. A deceiver appears to know everything because her quest is to please you. Here is the thing though: As much as they talk much, they are thoroughly shallow in their speech. You do not feel that they are convicted or connected to what they are saying. Shun them!
4. They invite sympathy: Again, we all do need sympathy at one point in our lives or another. Not everyone that invites sympathy is a deceiver. However, if you can check long and well enough, you might realize that a deceiver gives you wrong information to draw sympathy from you. We are all moved with terrible situations when we spot them to such an extend that we seldom investigate. The anatomy of affairs and poisonous relationships have this bit in their make up. Before you sympathize, investigate!
5. They compel you to make a hurried decision: This is a big one! Have you ever felt being pushed to make a hurried decision? For the most part, whoever is pushing you either really cares about you or they really care about themselves. If there is something at stake for them, you ought to be careful. You ought to again gather more information on them. They could be potential deceivers.
6. They constantly fail to match their words with their actions: This should have been up there as the first one. Relationships are made up of promises and fulfillment of promises. Whoever does not match what they promised with action, always apologizing and coming up with reasons and excuses are potentially deceptive. They care little about you, that is why they do not value their word to you. If this happens twice, red flag!!
7. They mostly say what you want to hear: Master deceivers thrive on a well calculated move to ride on your emotional needs. They know how humans respond to fear. They know how we respond to greed. They know how we respond to hope. So they craftily come in with only what we want to hear! Can I give you an example? You have probably heard this advertisement: "Guinness brings out the power in you!" What a liar! That stuff actually does get power OUT of you!

Well, I rest my case.

Never judge a book by it's cover. Although first impression speaks volumes, I would rather that that first impression is carried through all the time.

I know this will help you, for no man is an island!