This is why a Comfortable Life Could be an Illusion

[Adapted from my Forth Coming Book, "Turning Your Setbacks into Major Comebacks]

"The biggest risk is not taking a risk...in a world that is changing really quickly the only strategy that is guaranteed to fail is not taking risks" -- Mark Zuckerberg

"Where there is no struggle, there is no strength" -- Oprah Winfrey

So a few weeks back, I did mention that there is a group of people that you should show the window when they show up at your office or house. These are the bunch who are selling 'secrets to success' that require you to do nothing but 'pay a small fee' to acquire their proven and tested secret. Once again, show them the window, it is a faster way out!

Try sitting here all your life and let's see how it feels

Then...there is also another bunch of well meaning people. I have been in this bunch before. For some reason, this bunch is made up of 'spiritual people'. They are well meaning because they fully advocate for your comfort (read status quo). They tend to tell you what you want to hear, not in malice but in 'care'. Let me give you an example:

 More than a decade ago, a certain organization for which my dad was part of was engaged in an ugly tussle over money and leadership.

This religious organization would almost always guarantee the country of Sunday drama for close to a whole month! It so got to me seeing my dad on TV under those circumstances. So I sought counsel from a young Pastor. He told me the following:

"Everything is going to be OK. Your dad's organization will resolve this. Things will be very fine since you are a child of God"

Even as he spoke, my young mind did not grasp it. Yes, I needed counsel...but I did not need pampering. What he told me did not work...and frankly, from that day on, it has always been an embarassing encounter meeting him in the streets.

There is an interesting relationship between reality and hope, action and faith. There is a group of people who would want to dwell on hope while negating reality, and exist in faith while negating action. 

Again, like I said, this group of people are well meaning...but honestly I could say that they are not balanced. They could be ignorant...or less knowledgeable. Much as they are well meaning, it does not always follow that their advice will work.

The philosophy that advocates for a smooth like glass life from beginning to end is flawed, unscriptural and deceitful. In life, there are three things that are interestingly related:

• Reality: Especially when the reality you are facing is a crisis, you seldom want to accept it. You wish it was not there. Not accepting reality is living in denial. Living in denial effectively disempowers you from making quick adjustments that would initially put you on a path of recovery.
• Comfort: Who does not want a comfortable life? Who wants a life of struggle all the time? The paradox however is that without the struggle...where will the comfort come from? So if anyone is giving you a therapeautic advice that borders on maintaining your comfort and quitting your 'struggle', think twice before you take the advice.
• Hope: Hope alone is not a strategy. A good therapist will want you to explore some immediate options that you can take while you are waiting for your breakthrough to come. A crisis is not a stamp on your forehead that you are now vegetative, only the Divine can come through for you. Hope alone as a strategy makes you immobile and paralyzed, waiting for an outside force to help...or waiting for time to elapse so respite can come.

Finally...this thing about maintaining our turfs...and keeping life strictly within the way we want it to operate...I could say it is a lost battle. This is what Bill Gates said:

"In business, by the time you realize you are in trouble, it's too late to save yourself. Unless you are runnig scared all the time, you're gone"

I have come to realize that this is not just in business, but also in life...especially the life of a visionary. Makes sense? Share your thoughts.

The Best Answer to 'What Do You Do?" ... Especially When You are in a Crisis

“We see the world not as it is, we see the world as we are” –Quote

[Adapted from my forthcoming book, "Turning Your Setbacks into Major Comebacks"]

So I got to ride in a new neighbor's car a few days back. Being strangers, we had to introduce ourselves and know more about each other.

The conversation was normal...about our work places, spouses, kids, nationalities and the like. However, when I got to the office, I was so unhappy with myself. Unhappy because I had not interested this neighbor with the product I was working on at work, neither had I made an impression on them to want to get a copy of my upcoming book...yet I had mentioned it to them.

I was unhappy because it would not take long for me to craft a speech that would capture my neighbors interest.

What do you do or Who are you...which one should we answer?

I was happy however with one thing: I volunteered the information about 'who I am'...they did not ask me. Then I realized how easy it was to add value to the lives of people, simply by telling them what you do/who you are! Next time my neighbor's company are in short of a speaker and they needed one...guess what?

One of the most dreaded questions that you can ask someone in a crisis is this: “What do you do?” 

We live in a society that apportions our worth to what we do and not who we are. That is why people are so obsessed with titles than functions.

In equal measure, most people who do not have titles tend to feel worthless. Sometimes, a crisis normally gets rid of our titles. A divorce makes a married woman single, a retrenchment makes a worker jobless, death of a parent makes a child fatherless, loss of investments make an investor bankrupt, loss of a house makes a family homeless, and so on.

These ‘new titles’ that adversities give to us almost always espouse our ultimate fears. We need not accept these new titles. 

I am not saying that we are now living in denial. I am just saying that we choose to refuse to let a crisis define who we are, who we really are. I think your definition is not based on the result of your setback.

Your definition however is the sum total of your deepest aspirations as well as your positive contribution to mankind. You should never forget that. 

When you assume a victim title that has come as a result of a setback, you self-stigmatize yourself. You walk around unconsciously dispelling anything good that can be attracted to your life. You keep re-affirming what the world has dealt with you and not who you really desire to be. 

So, how best do we answer this question, "What do you do?"

1. Document Your Greatest Aspirations: Mostly, it has to do with either the change you want to make in the world, or the difference you are bringing to it. This statement is as a result of documenting my greatest aspirations: "I see myself guiding people in living legacies in this life because I believe that that is one of the ultimate reasons for existence". I believe everyone does have great aspirations.
2. Document your Audience: The whole world might not necessarily be your audience...dependign on your aspirations. Your audience might be your children, your spouse, married men, married women, singles, single parents, business executives, illiterates, the learned and so on. Make sure you  narrow down to an audience. Take some time with this because it is absolutely important.
3. Merge the two together into one statement: Your statement must not necessarily be a business pitch...it just has to be conversational. Take this example: "I am the kind of guy that loves seeing fathers introduce their sons to the world to make a difference the way Kenny G introduced his son on stage to sing with him some time back". What this statement does is that it communicates your passion in the simplest and conversational way. I would not be surprised if your 'audience' would have questions and more questions to ask you...and the more they ask, the more details you reveal about your passion. This can be one of those conversations that is not easily forgotten...and next time there is a chance for your services to come to the fore, they will think about you. We must not forget however that 'who we are' is not just about what we do. Who we are also has to do with Whose we are, where we are from and how well we are serving the Infinite intetions of our lives.
4. Rehearse: We seldom do this. Let me speak for myself. I have not been doing this because I have been thinking that it is not important. Nothing is further from the truth. On a daily basis, I have an opportunity to showcase who I am...even if I do not have a title! I therefore need to be as thorough as possible not only in answering 'What do you do?', but also in offering 'Who I am'.

So let me ask this: Is there anyone who cannot say who they are even when they do not have a title? I do not think so!

So what do you do? I mean...who are you really? Please share with us..and leave us your contacts while you are at it. Thanks.

What Do You Do While Waiting For A Breakthrough?

It has been an interesting year this 2013 to me. Using the message of illusions, it is very easy for me to paint 2013 as a 'bad' year for me...but that would be totally wrong.

I think this has been one of the most fruitful years I have been alive. For one, I am thoroughly excited about finishing up my second manuscript of a book that has been on my mind for more than two years. The book, "Turn your Setbacks Into Major Comebacks: 21 Ways a Life crisis makes a better, deeper, and grander you" is based on a true life story of a visionary who has failed very many times since his childhood and how he is learning to turn things around.

One of the concepts, and honestly, one of the greatest concepts in that book is the ability to focus on what we can do, and not letting what we cannot do at a moment in time hinder us from progressing. Just a week after I get through with the manuscript, life handed me an opportunity to use my own medicine.

In the book, I talk about the beauty of adversity and how we need to look at hardship positively (and I thought that would be easy...). In between, I have re-affirmed that very many visionaries as well as 'ordinary folks' need the information gathered in this book that I have been pregnant with for a couple of years.

I have learnt that an adversity or a challenge is inherently a call to greatness. Without a challenge or an adversity, there seldom would be a platform to celebrate victories. Yesterday, I read this words from one of my writing mentors, Anthony T. Gitonga: 

"There is a lot of difference between what we won't do and what we can't do. What we won't do will keep us from greatness a lot more than what we can't do. Ultimately, choices and not abilities, are our greatest hindrences to lasting success"

 The greatest lesson shared in my book is that when an adversity hits you, you need to put on a mindset of abundance rather than that of scarcity. An adversity mostly takes away things from you: money, a loved one, an opportunity, a break, your psyche and ultimately your esteem. Consequently, you tend to shrink back and do nothing as you 'out-wait the adversity'.

The greatest lesson I shared is that in the wake of a setback, find something...anything...and do it. It does not have to be directly related to your breakthrough. It does not have to be directly connected to your recovery. It just has to be something that puts your mind to action. When that happens, signals are sent to your body, to your brains, and ultimately to the world that you are still around, and nobody should count you out.

Friend, that is the medicine that I took...I prescribed it to myself, and it works like magic. You are reading this simply because of that prescription. Otherwise, the next time I would have written something would be many weeks from now.

Makes sense?

'Opportunity Does not Knock Twice' is Half a Truth!

Do you know the one time when there is lots of hope all over the world? It happens across the world each year, it is a phenomenon! Nope, it's not a religious holiday. I am not talking about Easter, neither am I talking about Christmas.

It's not an American Holiday, so I am not talking about Thanksgiving. I am not talking about Eid. But there is this one day where people from all walks of life, young and old, in all the continents around the world share an unprecedented moment of hope.

You guessed it. It is the new year's day. Each year celebrations are carried around the world like no other day. People count down the minutes and seconds together. Never mind that Australia always does that ahead of everybody else, but the rest of the world joins religiously few hours later.

Have you ever asked yourself why this is the case? Have you ever asked yourself why there is so much inspiration at the beginning of the year to plan, resolve, dream and envision greatness?

There is just one answer to that question. The only problem we have is that we do this just once a year. Think of all the positive energy that we generate when we are celebrating crossing over, starting over another year once again? Think of all the hope that we give ourselves when we get this psychological start. You would think that January 1st has a different color from the other days!

The truth however is that it has the same value as the previous day...and the next day. It does not have less hours...or more hours. It does not have a different make up to it, it is the same as yesterday and tomorrow.

The reason as to why we all celebrate is simple. We have just allowed ourselves another opportunity to:

• Be better,
• Start over,
• Dare,
• Achieve a dream
• Dream a dream
• Make it right

...and so on.

The fact of life is that all the days of our lives, we will have those moments when things do not go the way they are supposed to...or at least the way we planned them to. We have an option here....or at least two options.

First, we can stick it out with what we are doing...trudge along with the negative results that we are getting while afraid to count the costs and change the strategy...

Second, we can accept the reality on the ground, wave the white flag of surrender and declare another 'new years' day with an opportunity to start over...this time round with better information!

Some people will tell you that opportunity never knocks twice...well they are just 'motivating' you to grab chances when they show up, but they are wrong! Human beings are alive today primarily because of millions upon millions of 'second chances!'

When you hit a crisis, you can call it quits...or you can embrace the newness of the moment to start over again. This way, we can give ourselves hope at any moment that a crisis hits us. They say that a crisis has two meanings:

1. Danger
2. Opportunity

Sadly most people look at the danger and fail to notice the opportunity.

It is my admonition that you would look at your crisis with the reality it serves you today, but also endeavor to embrace the new opportunity it affords you to start over.

How you can do that is another story...in fact, it's a whole book titled 'Setbacks to Comebacks' coming out

at the end of the year.

Do you believe in second chances?