This is why a Comfortable Life Could be an Illusion

[Adapted from my Forth Coming Book, "Turning Your Setbacks into Major Comebacks]

"The biggest risk is not taking a risk...in a world that is changing really quickly the only strategy that is guaranteed to fail is not taking risks" -- Mark Zuckerberg

"Where there is no struggle, there is no strength" -- Oprah Winfrey

So a few weeks back, I did mention that there is a group of people that you should show the window when they show up at your office or house. These are the bunch who are selling 'secrets to success' that require you to do nothing but 'pay a small fee' to acquire their proven and tested secret. Once again, show them the window, it is a faster way out!

Try sitting here all your life and let's see how it feels

Then...there is also another bunch of well meaning people. I have been in this bunch before. For some reason, this bunch is made up of 'spiritual people'. They are well meaning because they fully advocate for your comfort (read status quo). They tend to tell you what you want to hear, not in malice but in 'care'. Let me give you an example:

 More than a decade ago, a certain organization for which my dad was part of was engaged in an ugly tussle over money and leadership.

This religious organization would almost always guarantee the country of Sunday drama for close to a whole month! It so got to me seeing my dad on TV under those circumstances. So I sought counsel from a young Pastor. He told me the following:

"Everything is going to be OK. Your dad's organization will resolve this. Things will be very fine since you are a child of God"

Even as he spoke, my young mind did not grasp it. Yes, I needed counsel...but I did not need pampering. What he told me did not work...and frankly, from that day on, it has always been an embarassing encounter meeting him in the streets.

There is an interesting relationship between reality and hope, action and faith. There is a group of people who would want to dwell on hope while negating reality, and exist in faith while negating action. 

Again, like I said, this group of people are well meaning...but honestly I could say that they are not balanced. They could be ignorant...or less knowledgeable. Much as they are well meaning, it does not always follow that their advice will work.

The philosophy that advocates for a smooth like glass life from beginning to end is flawed, unscriptural and deceitful. In life, there are three things that are interestingly related:

• Reality: Especially when the reality you are facing is a crisis, you seldom want to accept it. You wish it was not there. Not accepting reality is living in denial. Living in denial effectively disempowers you from making quick adjustments that would initially put you on a path of recovery.
• Comfort: Who does not want a comfortable life? Who wants a life of struggle all the time? The paradox however is that without the struggle...where will the comfort come from? So if anyone is giving you a therapeautic advice that borders on maintaining your comfort and quitting your 'struggle', think twice before you take the advice.
• Hope: Hope alone is not a strategy. A good therapist will want you to explore some immediate options that you can take while you are waiting for your breakthrough to come. A crisis is not a stamp on your forehead that you are now vegetative, only the Divine can come through for you. Hope alone as a strategy makes you immobile and paralyzed, waiting for an outside force to help...or waiting for time to elapse so respite can come.

Finally...this thing about maintaining our turfs...and keeping life strictly within the way we want it to operate...I could say it is a lost battle. This is what Bill Gates said:

"In business, by the time you realize you are in trouble, it's too late to save yourself. Unless you are runnig scared all the time, you're gone"

I have come to realize that this is not just in business, but also in life...especially the life of a visionary. Makes sense? Share your thoughts.

Intelligence from Death and Bereavement [Video Inside]

"Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart" --Steve Jobs

Last month, we lost a colleague in a fatal road accident. The boy was barely 25...and was on his way to pick his graduation gown when he met his untimely death.

Naturally, everybody was thoroughly shaken and for a second, we were reminded of the fickleness of life. It is Casting Crowns who immortalized the scriptures by singing:

"I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow

A wave tossed in the ocean

A vapor in the wind..."

The Legendary MacElvis

In quick succession, last Sunday my wife came to the sitting room looking shell-shocked! She gravely announced to me, "Mac Elvis is dead!" I was seriously taken aback. Mac Elvis is the young lad who was the "New Artist of the Year" in the last edition of the Olive Music Awards in Uganda.

Needless to say, most people in Christian circles in Kampala Uganda mourned the passing on of this young visionary. Most of us had our profiles in Social Media painted with Mac Elvis' photographs as we remembered him.

My wife actually hosted Mac Elvis and three other gospel artists in our house just about a year ago. Now he is no more.

What made me do this post however is this sobering move that I just did with my facebook coverpage. I just pulled down MacElvis photo...and with it replaced mine and my son.

As I did that, I just wondered...is that how a life is replaced? By few clicks of the mouse? Forgotten? Gone? Isn't that just sobering enough?

I have been bereaved once. It pained so hard. The toughest part for me when I lost a brother was when he was lowered into the ground. What finality that was. What a cruel separation. Reality dawned.

So, as I pull down Mac Elvis photo from my cover-page, I have to say the following:

• Everytime someone close passes on, it is not only time to mourn, but it is also time to seriously review and consider our lives.
• Everytime somoene we know passes on, it is time for us to come back to reality and know how fickle our lives are.
• Everytime someone passes on, it is time for us through the mirror of their lives, to look at our own and consider their greatest regrets...as well as ours right now.
• Everytime someone passes on, it is time for us to look at our lives and find out any loose end that needs to be tied before our time comes.
• Most importantly, every time someone passes on, it is time for us to consider whether we are living to the maximum potential of our lives at the moment.

This was MacElvis last project before he passed on in an accident in a swimming pool while on Mission in Tanzania: It simply says, "Do not Give Up" in Luganda. What a timely message to leave behind!

I believe that everytime we attend a funeral, we should not just be going through the motions of the ceremony, but also accepting this as another wake-up call. Of late however, I have seen how the human soul has become more and more numbed everytime someone passes on...we grieve for a week..and then we revert back to life as usual!

MacElvis taught my wife and I the virtue of determination and consistency. With that, we will be embarking on our unfinished projects and kickstart them back to life again.

R.I.P Mac Elvis

But Am I in God's Will?

Thoughts about God giving you Confirmation before you get started:

Few months ago, I was engaged in a serioiusly heated 'discussion' on Facebook...and shame on me, it was on someone else's profile. The 'discussion' was really about this notion that some people have that God created one particular person for me to be married to...a soul-mate.

Much as I strongly disputed that way of thinking, I am sure that I was not able to convince the people on the 'other side' of the discussion. 

"This is the way, walk in it"

Most spiritual people would really love to be 'in the will of God'. I guess that is correct and it should be encouraged. However, a great number of people are honestly taking this to another extreme.

• As much as some would pray and fast for days on end for God to 'confirm' if so and so should be their spouse, I am of the view that God has already wired me in a particular way. That is why I find myself drawn to ladies who are petit...and seldom the other type (oops). My point here is that God has already equipped us with so much that we can use to do our own 'vetting'.

• Some people would seek God to confirm 'if I should take the job or not'...and I am thinking that I need to get an income and feed myself and family. (God said that man must work in order to eat). My point here is that if you are jobless and there is an opportunity to work and earn something...just take the offer!

• Some people would seek God to confirm if they should take a particular journey, make a particular investment, take their kids to a certain school, befriend a certain couple, buy a particular make of a vehicle, join the gymn (am running out of examples here)...and so on.

I honestly tend to think that it is very easy to get stuck 'waiting on God' while God has already done and said everything there is about a situation. 

I also tend to seriously think that for mega stuff like delivering a nation (if you are Moses, David, Samson etc), one needs a clear word from God. But when it comes to our daily living, creating legacies, making a difference, maximizing our times, talents and gifts, I honestly believe you do not need to hear a voice from heaven instructing you to do these kind of stuff. 

• I did not hear God's voice saying, "My son, write this blog...give it this name....." yet many people have been blessed by it.
• I did not hear God's voice saying, "Lawrence, sit down and write a book about Parenting and the present education system", yet I did.
• I did not hear God's voice saying, "Lawrence, please step up and inspire my people on radio at five in the morning", yet I did that some time back and people were blessed (at least they keep telling me)
• I did not hear God's voice saying, "Lawrence, now it is time for you to write another book about Turning Setbacks into Comebacks"...but I did, and it has blessed me before I release it to the public.

We cannot vacillate over making important decisions and taking necessary needed action because we are waiting for God to confirm whether we are in his will or not. I tend to think that inside your heart, you have a conscience that will cleary indicate to you about the validity of the path you are taking.

That is not to say that God does not speak and God does not answer prayers. That is also not to say that we should not run our plans by God for approval. 

It is just to say that God gave you and me a brain, a heart, hands, feet, a will, a mind and emotions to work things out. So this article is not in anyway the beginning of advocating for 'no use of God'.

If,

• It comes deep down your gut and you are thoroughly passionate about it,
• It does not hurt other people in that it is fair to all involved,
• It calls you to action,
• You have the necessary resources at your disposal to do it,
• You can clearly see the next step,
• You are absolutely sure about the timing,
• You feel in your spirit strongly about it...
• It does not contradict the written Word of God

Then,

Get going! Take action. Do it! Pray as you do it. Stop sitting there waiting for 'confirmation'. 

However, if:

• You are unsure about it,
• You feel a dissonance in your spirit about it,
• It is not clearly supported neither is it clearly disputed in scripture,
• You are unsure about the timing,
• You feel thorougly inadequate to implement it,
• It feels so unreasonable,
• You are restless about it....

Then,

By all means, take some time and pray. Take some time and get Godly counsel. Take some time and search the scriptures. Take some time and fast.

Make no mistake about it, being in God's will is paramountly important...but we cannot use it as an excuse to waste time doing nothing!

The Best Answer to 'What Do You Do?" ... Especially When You are in a Crisis

“We see the world not as it is, we see the world as we are” –Quote

[Adapted from my forthcoming book, "Turning Your Setbacks into Major Comebacks"]

So I got to ride in a new neighbor's car a few days back. Being strangers, we had to introduce ourselves and know more about each other.

The conversation was normal...about our work places, spouses, kids, nationalities and the like. However, when I got to the office, I was so unhappy with myself. Unhappy because I had not interested this neighbor with the product I was working on at work, neither had I made an impression on them to want to get a copy of my upcoming book...yet I had mentioned it to them.

I was unhappy because it would not take long for me to craft a speech that would capture my neighbors interest.

What do you do or Who are you...which one should we answer?

I was happy however with one thing: I volunteered the information about 'who I am'...they did not ask me. Then I realized how easy it was to add value to the lives of people, simply by telling them what you do/who you are! Next time my neighbor's company are in short of a speaker and they needed one...guess what?

One of the most dreaded questions that you can ask someone in a crisis is this: “What do you do?” 

We live in a society that apportions our worth to what we do and not who we are. That is why people are so obsessed with titles than functions.

In equal measure, most people who do not have titles tend to feel worthless. Sometimes, a crisis normally gets rid of our titles. A divorce makes a married woman single, a retrenchment makes a worker jobless, death of a parent makes a child fatherless, loss of investments make an investor bankrupt, loss of a house makes a family homeless, and so on.

These ‘new titles’ that adversities give to us almost always espouse our ultimate fears. We need not accept these new titles. 

I am not saying that we are now living in denial. I am just saying that we choose to refuse to let a crisis define who we are, who we really are. I think your definition is not based on the result of your setback.

Your definition however is the sum total of your deepest aspirations as well as your positive contribution to mankind. You should never forget that. 

When you assume a victim title that has come as a result of a setback, you self-stigmatize yourself. You walk around unconsciously dispelling anything good that can be attracted to your life. You keep re-affirming what the world has dealt with you and not who you really desire to be. 

So, how best do we answer this question, "What do you do?"

1. Document Your Greatest Aspirations: Mostly, it has to do with either the change you want to make in the world, or the difference you are bringing to it. This statement is as a result of documenting my greatest aspirations: "I see myself guiding people in living legacies in this life because I believe that that is one of the ultimate reasons for existence". I believe everyone does have great aspirations.
2. Document your Audience: The whole world might not necessarily be your audience...dependign on your aspirations. Your audience might be your children, your spouse, married men, married women, singles, single parents, business executives, illiterates, the learned and so on. Make sure you  narrow down to an audience. Take some time with this because it is absolutely important.
3. Merge the two together into one statement: Your statement must not necessarily be a business pitch...it just has to be conversational. Take this example: "I am the kind of guy that loves seeing fathers introduce their sons to the world to make a difference the way Kenny G introduced his son on stage to sing with him some time back". What this statement does is that it communicates your passion in the simplest and conversational way. I would not be surprised if your 'audience' would have questions and more questions to ask you...and the more they ask, the more details you reveal about your passion. This can be one of those conversations that is not easily forgotten...and next time there is a chance for your services to come to the fore, they will think about you. We must not forget however that 'who we are' is not just about what we do. Who we are also has to do with Whose we are, where we are from and how well we are serving the Infinite intetions of our lives.
4. Rehearse: We seldom do this. Let me speak for myself. I have not been doing this because I have been thinking that it is not important. Nothing is further from the truth. On a daily basis, I have an opportunity to showcase who I am...even if I do not have a title! I therefore need to be as thorough as possible not only in answering 'What do you do?', but also in offering 'Who I am'.

So let me ask this: Is there anyone who cannot say who they are even when they do not have a title? I do not think so!

So what do you do? I mean...who are you really? Please share with us..and leave us your contacts while you are at it. Thanks.

How Can You Create Your Own Revolution?

Daringly Adamant or Stubbornly Headstrong...Which are You?

"Why reach for the stars when you could reach for the Creator of the same"? ~ Patrick Muhereza

 Cynicism is a way to rehearse the let-downs the world has in store--before they arrive. And the cynic chooses this attitude at the expense of the group. Because he can't bear to be disappointed, he shares his rehearsed disappointment with the rest of us, slowing down projects, betting on lousy outcomes and dampening enthusiasm. ~Seth Godin

Before something is done differently, culture and the way of doing things will stay in comfort. Few people would want to venture out...and ask questions that make you uncomfortable.

Before a record is broken, there is normally a general agreement world-wide that nobody can achieve the milestone. It happened with the guy who revolutionized high jump as a sport. He's called Forsby...I believe. When he invented the style of going with the head first, they called him a flop. In fact they labelled his high jump technique as the 'Forsby flop'. 

Since then, people have been 'floppingly' breaking high jump records each decade. In fact, you would be indeed a Nearnderthal today if you did not use the "Forsby Flop" in high jump.

Forsby Flop

Someone said that the people who say that things cannot be done should not interrupt those who are making things happen. A certain visionary hundreds of years back was punished by an institutionalized church for claiming that the world was not flat....that it was round. I believe the Pope John Paul the second apologized for this some time back.

"Whenever I see people doing something the way it has always been done, the way it's 'supposed' to be done, following the same old trends, well, that's just a big red flag for me to look somewhere else" --Mark Cuban

So, how do we make a distinction between being stubborn and refusing to listen to advice then head for destruction and being daringly adamant and doing things differently to cause a revolution?

You know, a revolution has never been without controversy, that is for sure. If it is widely and wildly accepted today, it does no mean it was always that way. Someone somewhere had to pay the price by being daring enough to go against the grain. In other words, all revolutions have faced stiff opposition and prevailed.

"The biggest risk is not taking a risk...in a world that is changing really quickly the only strategy that is guaranteed to fail is not taking risks" -- Mark Zuckerberg

A preacher was busy waxing eloquent about how God never intended for mankind to fly...and that it would never happen. At his backyard, his two boys, the Wright Brothers were experimenting with the first aircraft.

I honestly think that the use of the word 'Never' should be reserved for God alone. He alone knows about everything. It was easy in 1910 to say that 'Man will never set foot on the moon'...and get the whole world agree with you. Just over fifty years later, you would be forced to swallow your words.

When someone uses the word 'Never',

• They might be culturally comfortable today and do not want things to change;
• They might know the difficulty involved and would not want to be part of it;
• They might know of the possibility of failure and would not want to be on a sinking ship
• Chances are that they might not have gathered all the data needed
• Chances are that they are just looking at it from one angle
• Chances are that they have not factored the use of extra resources, but they are just thinking about the available ones
• Chances are that from where they are standing and with the mindset they possess, their prediction can be a self fulfilling prophecy.

"The tragedy of life is not death, but what we let die inside of us while we are still alive" ~ Quote

In our personal lives,there comes a time on several occassions that we have to be adamant and pursue that which resonates inside our hearts. The idea at hand is not a fluke, not an accident. I think a battle that we visionaries always will fight is the call to always fit in and accept the status quo vs. doing things that serve our dreams and visions.

If you are warned that taking a particular direction will make you fail, you need to evaluate your 'adamancy' with the following questions:

1. Is it a heart-felt vision or desire?
2. Is it a heart-felt vision or desire in the life of those against it?
3. If you cannot do it alone, is it still doable? Must it be done alone?
4. Has someone else someplace else ever done it before?
5. Has it worked or is it working with them?
6. If someone failed with it before...are the reasons for their failure the main reason for shrinking back or is there a better way of doing it?
7. What exactly caused it to fail the first time? Can you go around it? What can we learn from the failure?
8. If you pull it off, does it have the capacity to cause a revolution?

When you answer these questions well and still feel the desire to remain adamant and do it, you should bite the bullet and go ahead. Like they say, "Jump off the cliff and grow wings on your way down".

I should say that it would have been better to try and fail, than not to try and never know.

Have you been thinking about a personal revolution of late?

What Do You Do While Waiting For A Breakthrough?

It has been an interesting year this 2013 to me. Using the message of illusions, it is very easy for me to paint 2013 as a 'bad' year for me...but that would be totally wrong.

I think this has been one of the most fruitful years I have been alive. For one, I am thoroughly excited about finishing up my second manuscript of a book that has been on my mind for more than two years. The book, "Turn your Setbacks Into Major Comebacks: 21 Ways a Life crisis makes a better, deeper, and grander you" is based on a true life story of a visionary who has failed very many times since his childhood and how he is learning to turn things around.

One of the concepts, and honestly, one of the greatest concepts in that book is the ability to focus on what we can do, and not letting what we cannot do at a moment in time hinder us from progressing. Just a week after I get through with the manuscript, life handed me an opportunity to use my own medicine.

In the book, I talk about the beauty of adversity and how we need to look at hardship positively (and I thought that would be easy...). In between, I have re-affirmed that very many visionaries as well as 'ordinary folks' need the information gathered in this book that I have been pregnant with for a couple of years.

I have learnt that an adversity or a challenge is inherently a call to greatness. Without a challenge or an adversity, there seldom would be a platform to celebrate victories. Yesterday, I read this words from one of my writing mentors, Anthony T. Gitonga: 

"There is a lot of difference between what we won't do and what we can't do. What we won't do will keep us from greatness a lot more than what we can't do. Ultimately, choices and not abilities, are our greatest hindrences to lasting success"

 The greatest lesson shared in my book is that when an adversity hits you, you need to put on a mindset of abundance rather than that of scarcity. An adversity mostly takes away things from you: money, a loved one, an opportunity, a break, your psyche and ultimately your esteem. Consequently, you tend to shrink back and do nothing as you 'out-wait the adversity'.

The greatest lesson I shared is that in the wake of a setback, find something...anything...and do it. It does not have to be directly related to your breakthrough. It does not have to be directly connected to your recovery. It just has to be something that puts your mind to action. When that happens, signals are sent to your body, to your brains, and ultimately to the world that you are still around, and nobody should count you out.

Friend, that is the medicine that I took...I prescribed it to myself, and it works like magic. You are reading this simply because of that prescription. Otherwise, the next time I would have written something would be many weeks from now.

Makes sense?

How You Can Buy Back Your Greatness in One Second...

An illusion can be created in a split second…yet believing in it can deprive a soul of greatness for a long period of time.

It is particularly interesting to observe that when you get an illusion during an adversity, chances are that dwelling on it will deepen your state of hardship.

Illusions happen in the mind. My mental state is one of the most critical aspects of my life whenever I am going through a hardship.

Have you ever realized how easy it is to be disillusioned? An illusion is mostly created from a reality. For the most part, this reality is usually a bad one: A job loss, a heart break, failure at school, loss of investments, disapproval by closest people in your life, 9: O'clock news on the econony...and so on.

The illusions are like a fog that very slowly settles over us. Before long, the darkened view ahead seems normal. We forget that only a few feet above us is clear sky. Some people walk their entire lives in this fog, never questioning the source or nature of the fog, and rarely risking the safety of the fog to poke their heads out, if even for a moment –Kim George.

For example, the reality will communicate that there is no money. It will communicate that your better days have long gone. The reality will say that the divorce is real…and the illusion will add that you will never ever enjoy the thrills of marriage, a family and a home. 

The reality will say that you have flunked the papers today, and the illusion will spice that message up just a little bit to indicate that you will never ever make it in life. The reality will tell you that you are a lousy speaker from the feedback of the audience and the illusion will amplify the message that you were never ‘called’ to speak.

The reality will tell you without lying that the sales have not come in the past three months and the illusion will add that you will never ever succeed. Notice though that it is not the reality that is creating the belief. It is the illusion communicated from the reality that easily forms a belief. The truth is that you have two options. You can accept the reality and reject the illusion or you can believe the illusion together with the reality.

I think you get the message.

As long as we are alive and as long as we face adversities, we wil have instances where we are to choose between believing an illusion based on a reality, or reinforcing our greatness based on our purpose.

Your greatness can be lost in that one instance of an adversity. It can also be bought back right then and there through the following ways:

1. Deciding beforehand that no adversity will identify who you are
2. Deciding beforehand to believe the best about yourself
3. Deciding beforehand to always seperate the illusion from the reality
4. Deciding beforehand not to make a permanent decision in a temporary setback
5. Deciding beforehand that all setbacks, adversities and mishaphs in life are temporary
6. Deciding beforehand to be relentless when faced with a setback
7. Deciding beforehand to always make the greatest speech ever to the greatest audience ever!

There you have it.

Makes sense?

Why We All Must Become Surgeons...and Pilots Too.

I boarded a certain airline from Entebbe airport in Kampala to Jomo Kenyatta International airport in Nairobi one day. I must admit that the pilot did not treat us well. On a normal day with no turbulence, we would lose height in a flash. My heart would jump to my mouth...it was terrible. That state would be repeated again and again as we approached Nairobi.

Well, frequent fliers were unfazed; they seemed used to this pilot's antics. Am up against him because I traveled the same route and the landing was as smooth as glass. Anyway, let me leave that pilot alone for a while.

Some years back, my younger brother went under the knife...for a kidney transplant. This was at the Kenyatta National Hospital. As usual, prayers were held that all would go well...and of course all did go well.

Swans have one partner their whole life. If one partner dies, the other will die of a broken heart. What's your swan?

The thing that links a pilot and the surgeon is that we all expect 100% excellence from either. You would not want a trainee pilot on your journey. You would not want a trainee doctor to perform an important surgical operation on you or your loved one. In fact, we enter an airplane with absolute certainty that we are in the hands of a professional...the same applies to the surgical theater.

We expect 100% excellence from pilots. Mediocrity will not do even for a minute. Yet at the same breathe, we easily give excuses with whatever has been entrusted to us. Someone somewhere has told us that failure or lackluster performance in our duties will not result in death of someone else...so guess what? We have the liberty to procrastinate, do the bare minimum, counterfeit the original, forego routine check ups and so on.

The game changer however normally comes when a threat is issued. 

• The boss tells you that he needs the report by midday or you are fired. A report that normally would take you two days to prepare is now done under one hour.
• Your wife tells you that she would go back to her parents unless you change. When you discover she is dead serious, you are a better husband and dad within a week.
• The publisher tells you that he needs the manuscript in three weeks, otherwise the deal is off. You put everything aside, get focused and deliver right on schedule.
• Your child picks up unbecoming behavior unknowingly. All of a sudden, you are home right on time to be with him and raise him.
• The doctor tells you that you have 3 years to live if you do not alter your diet. Ten years down the line, you are healthier than ever because you made the necessary adjustments.
• Your business suffers a major loss. Projections show that you will be bankrupt soon. Five years later, you are a multi-millionaire because you made the necessary adjustments.

Can you see the pattern here? In as much as Doctors and Pilots are operating with absolute excellence as we expect them, we on the other hand have to wait for a wake up call to achieve the excellence.

OK...let me not accuse everyone wholesale. Let me speak for myself. If I can only reverse the way I am living and know that 100% excellence is expected of me at all times:

• As a Husband,
• As a Father,
• As a Leader,
• As a Visionary,
• As an Author,
• As a Voice of Inspiration,
• As a Mentor,
• As a Coach...

...then this world will see astounding value from my life as I live to fulfill my God-given purpose. One thing is for sure, if I do not give myself the wake up call, life itself will do. Why? Because I am alive for a reason...for a purpose. I am not an aimless wanderer on earth, I am here to be a major blessing to my family, and the world.

Selah!