Ngina Otiende is a writer and trainer who loves
helping others take charge of their lives. She's passionate about intentional
growth and relationships and wants to ignite the same passion in others. She's
married to her hero and they live in MD, USA. You can pick up her free eBook
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3. Cultivate
intentional thoughts and actions.
The further you go down the road of marriage, the more you begin
to realize that greatness in the relationship comes dressed in work
clothes. And thus it needs a mind to match! You can't wait to feel like being
nice to your spouse in order to be nice. A husband doesn't wait to feel like
providing in order to get out and go make a living. He gets out of bed and goes
to work everyday, regardless of feelings.
A great marriage requires a wiliness to plant the
right kind of seeds in difficult seasons. It means understanding that
marriage is a grace-fueled journey and our lives must to reflect that. It means making up
your mind to love the choice we made (and going ahead to yanking out the rear
view mirror)
It means understanding that God does not do marriage on our
behalf - you can't chalk it up to “God’s will” or “it is what it is” mindset
but must purposeful to pursue solutions and make a demand on His
promise. it means goes the extra mile and does not wait for the other person to
jump on board before it does it's part. It serves anyway.
4. Stay counter-cultural and counter-flesh
Strong marriages come from doing the uncomfortable, the
counter-cultural and counter-flesh. You understand that you cannot
have your cake and eat it, thus you cultivate certain confines
and disciplines.
For example when everyone else is watching sensual and
explicit entertainment and believes it's harmless since they are
married anyway, you put a hedge over what you expose your eyes to. Because you
understand the power of the mind. When people think it's silly to have
boundaries with the opposite sex, you are adamant about your associations and
relationships. When society wants you to prefer your children over your spouse,
you understand that they come in third (and that's where they thrive), after
God and your spouse.
You base your marriage on the Word of God, not what is popular
or culturally acceptable, even what you grew up believing. You find what makes
your marriage tick and then go all out and do it.
5. Know how to have
fun
A friend once shared how one morning at their breakfast table,
she snatched a slice of bread from her husband and ran upstairs. Her husband,
in full play-mode took off after her in hot pursuit. Her helper and nanny who
was more traditional stood by watching and would later express her worry over
the her “disrespectful” behavior towards the “man of the house”.
If you want to move your marriage from average to great, you
must understand that "all work and no play makes Jack
& Jill a very dull couple"
Laughter and fun is no respecter of culture or lifestyle. If you
want life in your marriage, you must invest life in it. Intentionally seek ways
to be silly together, to laugh, to enjoy life. Where I come from, words of
endearment, holding hands or hugging in public is often an acquired habit
for many couples. So break the rules. Go all out for your marriage.
Also dream together. Share each other's worlds, encourage one
another, challenge each other, keep each other focused. Reminisce together,
talk about the future and possibilities, explore ideas and thoughts. Let your
marriage be a safe haven when you can dream and laugh together.
6 Learns to be a
peacemaker, not a peace keeper
A great marriage does not mean the absence of conflict. But
at some point in marriage I thought it did. After all, all the newlyweds
I knew looked blissful, like they never argued or had conflict a day
in their life.
Of course that was poor judgment on my part because I
wasn't living in their house and couldn't possibly know what went on behind
closed doors. That's why I talk about what happens behind my doors so
that I can help other couples just like me. I want couples to understand that
the presence of conflict and other relationship issues does not
signal the end of a relationship, just presents an opportunity for
intentional growth.
To move on to a deeper level, you must learn to pursue peace. I
say learn because many of don't know how to pursue real peace. We are either
passive - withdraw and hope things will resolve themselves - or are too
aggressive - we wreck havoc in our resolution efforts.
Real peace does not come from passivity or aggressiveness.
It begins when we begin to learn to to die to fears, ego and opinions and
learning to listen and empathize and extend grace. It means having
the courage to seek trusted help when circumstances warrant it.
This is not a complete list obviously. Other things include
having marriage mentors, understanding roles and responsibilities in marriage
e.t.c But these points can be a good start. Feel free to add your own
thoughts in Comments!
What are your thoughts people?
